This most-commonly-asked-question is answered with insight and heart in the book, Heaven on Earth: A Handbook for Parents of Young Children written by long-time preschool teacher and mother of three sons, Sharifa Oppenheimer.
After presenting a clear foundation of brain and body development, the author explains how parents can create nurturing routines and healthy play spaces for their children and how, with words and actions, they can begin to build their own unique family culture.
Much of the discipline question is answered when parents create routines that support a predictable world for their child, along with providing simple toys and play areas that support developmental needs. This structure often eliminates many scenarios that lead to disciplining children.
However, as the mother of three, she knows that ‘behavior management’ will be necessary at times! She suggests distracting children from the source of conflict first, then bringing them near you to do a rhythmic activity such as sweeping or washing dishes. When you do need to enforce a logical consequence, being firm and kind and speaking in a neutral voice tone, will model a calm demeanor for your children.
When you are dissatisfied with your child’s behavior, she suggests that you begin to adjust the outer rhythm of your family. Perhaps extra activities can be curtailed and more time spent in outdoor play? She encourages parents to look at their own inner rhythms, too. Are you hurried and stressed? Do you take time out for your own play?
Realistically, making adjustments in these areas will help your child be calm and relaxed but what do you do when you child still misbehaves? Ms. Oppenheimer makes the case for being firm and kind, keeping your voice tone neutral and holding an inner feeling of loving kindness for your child, rather than getting caught up in the emotions of the moment.
Not always easy, I know! Yet, if you are tired of nagging, negotiating, making compromises and giving in to your children, it is time for a new approach. Heaven on Earth will be your guide to inner and outer calm and children who are active, happy and engaged. Enjoy the journey!
"What About Discipline?" A Review of Heaven on Earth - A Handbook For Parents of Young Children
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