I Don't Know What I Want But I Know It's Not This

In what may be a stroke of benevolent synchronicity, the emergent field of positive psychology could not have come at a more opportune moment for midlifers. Though its roots lie in the 50s, in humanistic psychology’s emphasis on healthy adult development rather than mental illness, it was given new life by Martin Seligman, who coined the term just a decade ago. Positive psychology focuses on what makes life fulfilling, and on the strengths and virtues that enable individuals and communities to thrive. And, as a crux of midlife challenge is coming face to face with unanticipated feelings of limitation, failure, and sometimes consequent despondency, these are just the questions we find ourselves asking … ourselves.

Or we would be well-advised to, as Fortune 500 business consultant and coach Julie Jansen, suggests in her book, I Don’t Know What I Want, But I Know It’s Not This: A Step-by-Step Guide to Finding Gratifying Work. While midlife can be a time of confronting limitations, it can also be a time for new beginnings. The outcome may depend on how you manage the transition.

The limits we face may originate from a number of sources. Real changes in biology affecting our energy and motivation, financial issues decreasing our options, or recognizing that the gap between the dreams of youth and the reality of now will never shrink. You may suddenly realize that you’re never going to be a full professor or get that job as VP, so where do you go from here?

Whatever your particular situation, Julie Jansen’s book is a no-nonsense guide that asks you to answer key questions that are essential to making choices that will be satisfying and sustainable. Her exercises are designed to uncover clues to what motivates you, what success means to you, what brings satisfaction, your tolerance for risk, and so on. These factors contribute not just to work satisfaction, but also to deeper life values of purpose and contribution. Following a purpose that is inspiring and leaves a legacy of value to the next generation is the number one concern for people in midlife career change as they make decisions for work in the next chapter of their lives.

The subtext – and a key take home for midlifers – is the suggestion that limitations can be limiting – or they can be seen as a springboard and opportunity for defining new possibilities. When the sky is not the limit, the universe of options is smaller, and it’s much easier to make choices.  

Though the book doesn’t provide guidance on overcoming the mental and emotional coming-to-terms and acceptance of limitation, it does identify that the first steps are to identify where you are now and what’s most important to you.

Its handy little self-assessment test helps  you to identify where to begin to seek opportunities. Presto change-o!  Your limitations are turned into a new frame that you can leverage to guide next steps in your search.

I Don't Know What I Want But I Know It's Not This